Staying Single: And Why This Is an Indispensable Skill

I have a theory that our society teaches us that in order to be full we have to be in a relationship. In order to be happy we have to have someone. Whenever I get upset or overly passionate about say, books, I tell some of my coworkers and I get the response, “you need to find yourself a man.” When my father was falling ill in health and I was emotionally collapsing, I kept being told, “it will be better when you find yourself a boyfriend.” Is my boyfriend going to magically make my father not die? Is he going to make all the pain go away? No. A boyfriend couldn’t do that, and to be honest, looking for a boyfriend for the sake of having one could probably cause more problems than not.

Wanting to be in a relationship, even if you don’t say it out loud, is selling yourself short. Someone can show interest, and for the idea of a relationship you might accept it regardless if you even like that person or if that person bothers you. If you want to stay single, however, it cuts a great deal of stress and drama from your life as you don’t deal with not having what you want.

But why? Why the emphasis on being in a relationship (especially for women)? Society puts that label on us that we should want to be in a relationship, that we don’t feel complete without someone to do it for us. The prince saving the princess, and her not really doing anything. But that is not how it works – humans are too complex for a start. At the end of high school and the end of college, I see a great deal of rings being waved all over my newsfeed of engagement announcements. As there is the ideal of love, there could also be a stronger feeling driving some the vows: fear. The fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone, the fear of facing the big, cold world alone. I know because that fear slapped me hard in the face, and of all my friends, too.

Being able to be independent and alone is a valuable life trait no one seems to teach anymore. At the end of a relationship, separated from grievances, relocation, a falling apart, or even death, you are going to have to face things alone in life. From the moment of our birth to the breath of death, we are an individual. When someone dies, that grief is a heavy, solitary feeling.  Might as well give yourself that power now, younger, when you need it, especially to get yourself through life and to get that dream you are so after as no one will chase that dream but you (because no one can but you). Being single and learning these skills makes life so much easier later, as you don’t care if you are getting groceries by yourself. Death will come, and being able to be alone will make the transition through grief much stronger and easier as there won’t be any dependency.

Being able to be single successfully also keeps off abuse. A common factor of abuse is dependency, lack of self-worth, and fear. Learning to be single makes one independent, worthwhile, and capable of handling life. Life is easier to face when you can take care of yourself, and the fear of being alone starts to vanish rather than drown. But learning to be single is a choice, the choice to stay single. Being single doesn’t mean that there isn’t hunting for a significant other, but you can’t hunt for one as that’s when you settle for less than what you deserve. Don’t settle, do what’s best for you. And if that is being single for the time being, then so be it.

Putting “staying single” is also not sent in stone, it’s more of a promise to yourself to do what’s best for you. But, if someone comes along that is so amazing that that resolution just snaps in half without you even realizing it: then that is a relationship you should be in. That is healthy and real. It was only when I determinedly decided “I’m going to be single and focus on myself” did those amazing people fall into my life like opening a window to rain after a drought. One of those people changed me for the better, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without that person, and I met him from that goal of staying single. So I’m setting the goal again, right out of college, so I can focus on my dream and my career. And I know for a fact that if I was in a relationship, I would settle now, when it is not a time to settle. It is a time to grow, and I want to grow as big as I possibly can. 

 Being single means you focus on yourself and what makes you happy