I have a theory that our
society teaches us that in order to be full we have to be in a relationship. In
order to be happy we have to have someone. Whenever I get upset or overly
passionate about say, books, I tell some of my coworkers and I get the
response, “you need to find yourself a man.” When my father was falling ill in
health and I was emotionally collapsing, I kept being told, “it will be better
when you find yourself a boyfriend.” Is my boyfriend going to magically make my
father not die? Is he going to make all the pain go away? No. A boyfriend
couldn’t do that, and to be honest, looking for a boyfriend for the sake of
having one could probably cause more problems than not.
Wanting to be in a
relationship, even if you don’t say it out loud, is selling yourself short.
Someone can show interest, and for the idea of a relationship you might accept
it regardless if you even like that person or if that person bothers you. If
you want to stay single, however, it cuts a great deal of stress and drama from
your life as you don’t deal with not having what you want.
But why? Why the emphasis
on being in a relationship (especially for women)? Society puts that label on
us that we should want to be in a relationship, that we don’t feel complete
without someone to do it for us. The prince saving the princess, and her not
really doing anything. But that is not how it works – humans are too complex
for a start. At the end of high school and the end of college, I see a great
deal of rings being waved all over my newsfeed of engagement announcements. As
there is the ideal of love, there could also be a stronger feeling driving some
the vows: fear. The fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone, the fear of
facing the big, cold world alone. I know because that fear slapped me hard in
the face, and of all my friends, too.
Being able to be
independent and alone is a valuable life trait no one seems to teach anymore.
At the end of a relationship, separated from grievances, relocation, a falling
apart, or even death, you are going to have to face things alone in life. From
the moment of our birth to the breath of death, we are an individual. When
someone dies, that grief is a heavy, solitary feeling. Might as well give yourself that power now,
younger, when you need it, especially to get yourself through life and to get
that dream you are so after as no one will chase that dream but you (because no
one can but you). Being single and learning these skills makes life so much
easier later, as you don’t care if you are getting groceries by yourself. Death
will come, and being able to be alone will make the transition through grief
much stronger and easier as there won’t be any dependency.
Being able to be single
successfully also keeps off abuse. A common factor of abuse is dependency, lack
of self-worth, and fear. Learning to be single makes one independent, worthwhile,
and capable of handling life. Life is easier to face when you can take care of
yourself, and the fear of being alone starts to vanish rather than drown. But
learning to be single is a choice, the choice to stay single. Being single
doesn’t mean that there isn’t hunting for a significant other, but you can’t
hunt for one as that’s when you settle for less than what you deserve. Don’t
settle, do what’s best for you. And if that is being single for the time being,
then so be it.
Putting “staying single”
is also not sent in stone, it’s more of a promise to yourself to do what’s best
for you. But, if someone comes along that is so amazing that that resolution
just snaps in half without you even realizing it: then that is a relationship
you should be in. That is healthy and real. It was only when I determinedly
decided “I’m going to be single and focus on myself” did those amazing people
fall into my life like opening a window to rain after a drought. One of those
people changed me for the better, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today
without that person, and I met him from that goal of staying single. So I’m
setting the goal again, right out of college, so I can focus on my dream and my
career. And I know for a fact that if I was in a relationship, I would settle
now, when it is not a time to settle. It is a time to grow, and I want to grow
as big as I possibly can.
Being single means you focus on yourself and what
makes you happy
